


You're in love

by healsvt



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I just love kisses so much, Just wait for it, M/M, Non AU, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-30 06:22:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8521942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/healsvt/pseuds/healsvt
Summary: Yes, it’s winter, but Seokmin forgets it every time Soonyoung talks to him in that way. “Whatever it is, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”





	

_“You can hear it in the silence, silence, you_

_You can feel it on the way home, way home, you”_

It starts some winter night. The wind smells of freshly cooked food and hits Seokmin’s cheeks hard while he walks down the street to go to their dorm. He hides his nose in Soonyoung’s scarf (he had given it to him before because "you need to take care of your throat, idiot") so the winter cold tonight can’t brush his cheeks. The scarf has the scent of his best friend and it makes him grin. It's just a tiny smile that Soonyoung can’t notice, not even in Seokmin’s crinkly eyes because the smile doesn’t climb at them and Seokmin’s secret is safe for now.

Soonyoung walks at Seokmin’s pace by his side, talking about something that Seokmin isn’t paying attention to, because he has his mind in another place, far away from there. Seokmin has ended up lost in stupid thoughts such as how Seokmin has just realized that the smell of his mom’s food isn’t the smell of home anymore, but Soonyoung’s scent. His heart flinches inside his chest when he thinks of it. He glues his gaze on the ground and tries to answer Soonyoung’s question. This isn’t the first time Seokmin thinks about it though, it started some weeks ago and he feels embarrassed, not because liking a boy could be weird to him (he has seen Jeonghan and Seungcheol kissing plenty of times to stop thinking boys liking boys is something weird), but because the boy he likes is his best friend, the closest person to him and he can’t stop thinking of him in a romantic way now (god, it's almost impossible to stop the goosebumps). And it’s difficult, because he has to see him every day, every hour, and every single moment because they’re _always_ together. So he tries to ignore his thoughts and the stupid sound of his heart beating fast in his chest because someday Soonyoung will hear it and Seokmin will be fucked.

Anyway, he’s _trying_. He’s trying to hide these things from him and it seems he’s succeeding because Soonyoung doesn’t know it, he is the same boy he’s been since they’ve met for the first time and nothing has changed yet. He plays and jokes with him, he smiles at him (and doesn’t hear Seokmin’s internal sighs), grabs his hands and squeezes them gently (and doesn’t notice the way Seokmin’s breath stops) and sleeps right by his side because “ _Seokmin-ah, you’re so warm!_ ”

Suddenly, Seokmin is aware of his best friend’s silence. Seokmin isn’t hearing the low murmur of Soonyoung’s voice anymore, just the noise of cars passing at the end of the street, their shoes hitting the floor and their own breathing, so he looks up at him, surprised.

 

“Why did you-?”

“Why aren’t you listening to me?” Soonyoung asks. Seokmin looks away and pretends it’s nothing, so he laughs.

“I am,” he responds, and it sounds more like a lie than he expected.

“No, you’re not.”

“No, I’m not, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” he whispers, his eyes lost again in some random spot of the street.

“Is something wrong? You’re not talkative tonight.”

“I’m just tired, you know? This week has been hard,” he lies, and for the first time that night, he even believes his own words.

Soonyoung agrees and keeps walking at Seokmin’s pace without words coming from his mouth this time, and Seokmin can feel the awkward silence that is setting between them like cold water but he can’t do anything but wait. They keep quiet while an invisible universe grows between their bodies and makes him feel Soonyoung’s warm too far away. He would like to reach for his hand like he would do in the past but it's when the stupid thoughts hit him again. Holding his hand would feel different now, so he starts thinking of something to joke about. He's an expert at making people laugh and Soonyoung always follows him, so he just needs to think of something to make the other boy laugh and they’ll be alright. They're crossing the road when Seokmin opens his mouth and Soonyoung is already smiling with his eyes almost closed because they’re too tiny and Seokmin can't help but grin at him and he feels such an idiot because he only needs that sparkle in Soonyoung's dark eyes to stop worrying and genuinely smile for the first time since they’ve left the studio.

When they’re on bed, they usually sleep together and they fall asleep looking at each other. And maybe their friends would find it strange if they could see Seokmin's eyes when he's looking at Soonyoung, because friends don’t do things like that. Soonyoung is the one who starts it every single night so it doesn't matter anyway. If he thinks it's okay, and even more, if he never notices the fond in his best friend's eyes, everything will be alright _forever_. It's true that Seokmin could think that Soonyoung is in love with him in the way he smiles at him, but it doesn’t make any sense, not when your best friend has done that for years now. So maybe that's the exact thing Soonyoung thinks when Seokmin is staring at him, right?

Seokmin keeps their eyes locked, as if he is trying to understand his best friend’s mind, or read it (that would be even better), and Soonyoung just smiles, a smile followed by the cutest of the sounds on Earth that is his laugh when he’s trying to not to be noisy. It warms his heart as chocolate does when he drinks a cup in snowy days, and Seokmin thinks their friendship is unique and weird, but it’s always been like that, and he prefers to not to change a bit of it.

He promises to himself that he won’t make a move (unless Soonyoung wants it).

 

_“He says look up_

_And your shoulders brush_

_No proof, one touch_

_You felt enough”_

 

 

It’s late at night and everybody is sleeping, but Soonyoung and Seokmin are still up sitting in the kitchen with just and Ipad between their hands, watching a shitty tv show. None of them wants to go to sleep yet but they don’t say it aloud. It’s easy the way they understand each other by just exchanging looks, Seokmin finds it really special and unique, he feels his mind is connected to Soonyoung's. Maybe the day they would be separated, Seokmin would feel an emptiness inside his soul (but he prefers if he doesn't think about it). Their friendship works that way and it’s what makes it that special. When Seokmin thinks about his soulmate, he knows that Soonyoung is the only one that can be called that (so cheesy). But sometimes, that level of intimacy and trust is embarrassing, and knowing each other _too_ much can get them in trouble too. Because when a person knows you better than yourself, they can read your mind too.

“Something’s up with you, Seokmin,” Soonyoung says, locking the Ipad and lifting his head to look at him. Seokmin gasps in surprise and instead of laughing at that comment, he just reminds silent, trying to think an excuse, just a simple one that could get him out of this.

Bur it's been thirty seconds.

Thirty-one, the watch counts.

“It’s not that,” he regrets his words right away.

Seokmin shakes his head, he can’t think of anything because he didn’t know Soonyoung would notice.

“I’m just… I think I’m worried about things.”

Soonyoung's eyes are close to his now and Seokmin wants to run away.

“What kind of things?” his best friend asks.

Seokmin plays with a piece of paper while he keeps his eyes loocked in his own hands, “I don’t want to talk about that here.”

Soonyoung sighs and closes his hand. The silence, the awkward silence, is there again. This time, it feels heavier than the other day, maybe because things have been more awkward day by day and their weight feels more and more suffocating, but Seokmin doesn't know how to stop it. Well, there's a way but things could get even worse, so he chooses to close his mouth and don't ever spell the words that he should say. He keeps them in a safe place, inside his chest, locked in a cage like birds (even if those birds are always trying to be free).

All the unspoken words are now dancing between their bodies like ghosts, and only Seokmin can see them. Soonyoung stands up and touches Seokmin’s hair so gently he shudders in surprise. His fingers feel like the sun setting on the sea, calmly and warm, and so far away.

“Look at me, Seokmin,” he asks him, and Seokmin does it, not because he wants to, but because Soonyoung is asking him for something and he can’t just refuse to do it. Not when his voice is that low and full of affection. Yes, it’s winter, but Seokmin forgets it every time Soonyoung talks to him in that way. “Whatever it is, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

Soonyoung’s hand strokes his face down until he moves his hand away from Seokmin’s chin. The unspoken words collapse in the tip of Seokmin’s tongue and the world had never been so quiet. And warm.

They don’t sleep together that night, but Seokmin doesn’t feel cold without Soonyoung’s arms reaching for him while he's asleep. The truth is that Seokmin still feels Soonyoung’s fingers caressing his face with so much tenderness and eyes full of affection that Seokmin thinks they burn more than the Sun itself.

 _Hoshi_ , he thinks and smiles. Yes, it’s true. He’s in love with a star, a star full of atoms collapsing inside him and making him glow and shine. Seokmin truly loves _Hoshi_.

And maybe Soonyoung loves him too.

 

_“One night he wakes, strange look on his face_

_Pauses, then says, you're my best friend_

_And you knew what it was, he is in love”_

 

 

Seokmin can’t sleep tonight. It’s been a rough week and it’s the first time in days he can finally rest properly. But still, his mind doesn’t want to, he just can’t stop thinking. He tries to keep his mind busy with dance practices and new lyrics to memorize but his mind stops worrying about work when he’s at home and more even when he’s in a quiet room. All the ghosts come to him in those moments.

 _Ugh_ , his thoughts are echoing so loud inside his head tonight (he has headaches some nights because of them), and it sounds so stupid because he’s just confused and full of questions, and that shouldn’t be disturbing his sleep, but it does anyway.

He needs air, cold air.

So he moves Soonyoung’s arms away and stands up in silence, trying to not wake up none of his brothers, although Soonyoung is really sensitive and his eyes are already opened and looking for Seokmin’s body in the darkness.

Seokmin hears a low murmur muffled in the pillow.

“Where're you going?”

Seokmin sighs. _Shit_.

“I’m going out, go back to sleep," he whispers. But he knows Soonyoung won’t do it.

“I’ll go with you, wait a minute,” he whispers, getting up and looking for his jacket which is lying on the messy floor of their room.

 _"I'll follow you until the end of the world, too"_ , but the words never leave Seokmin's mouth.

 

So they’re in the street, alone, at four in the morning (and freezing their asses off even if they have their coats on). The situation is just stupid, Seokmin thinks. It’s exactly what he wasn’t planning, he just wants to be alone and free his mind for a few minutes but Soonyoung keeps following him because he's suspicious. At least, the cold wind is healing.They're walking down the street to the nearest soda machine and none of them is talking about something interesting, just commenting the shitty weather and making jokes about the stupid idea of going for a walk at that hour.

 _"But you made that choice, Soonyoung"._  Seokmin doesn't say it aloud, though.

When they reach the soda machine, Soonyoung buys them coca-cola without asking because he doesn’t need to, as always. Seokmin laughs (internally, of course). What does he want? Is he aware of Seokmin’s feelings? Is he acting as if nothing is happening between them? Can he stop following him when he wants to be alone if he’s not going to tell him that he’s in love with him or something near to that? Because it’s tiring, and Seokmin feels his head is going to explode at any time and he doesn’t want that to happen in front of Soonyoung, because he could say things he doesn’t want him to hear from his mouth. The past days Seokmin has been trying to avoid him but Soonyoung is everywhere so he has given up. What else can he do?

Soonyoung gives him his drink and one minute later, they’re sitting on the floor, leaning onto the wall near to a closed shop. Again, those unspoken words. They read each other’s mind. The street lights and the soda machine illuminate really well the spot they’re sitting on, so Seokmin can fully see Soonyoung’s face: red nose, red cheeks, sparkly eyes and soft chopped lips. They drink in silence because they don’t need to talk, and for the first time in almost two weeks, it doesn't feel awkward. Still, Seokmin feels he should say a lot of things, but he keeps his mouth closed (as always) and waits for Soonyoung to start a conversation.

It should scare him the fact that Soonyoung talks in the exact moment he thinks that. _How?_

“Do you really feel you're an idol?” he asks. Seokmin stops drinking to look at him.

“What?” he laughs. Soonyoung smiles back at him, closing his eyes in a way Seokmin finds so cute he wants to pinch his cheeks, but he doesn’t, _of course._

“Yeah, you know, sometimes I feel the same way before debuting. I can walk down the street and people won’t look at me, and it makes me feel good because I still have privacy but then I ask myself: if people don’t recognize me on the street, then am I really an idol?”

“Of course you are, just by being part of a group and dancing and singing, you are. You signed a contract, you’re an idol.”

“Have you ever seen an idol walking on the street?”

“No," Seokmin pauses, "Well, I’m seeing you right now,” he jokes.

“That’s not even funny,” Soonyoung says, but he has a smile on his face that says otherwise.

“I know,” he grins at him back. But Soonyoung’s face changes in just a second and drops into a serious face again.

“It frustrates me, Seokmin," he sighs.

There's something in the air, not a smell, something that Seokmin doesn’t know how to describe. He feels the air different, as if it’s carrying with it a wave of melancholy that hits him in the face and makes Soonyoung’s words deeper than they are. It’s a kind of sadness mixed with the winter cold which sometimes reminds him of another time, when he was younger and he was at home with his family and life wasn’t that difficult. The air is heavier than before, the same as his mind. Everything is so complicated. He misses those years of his childhood where love was just a word.

Ant that's when he thinks of all the words that he never said aloud, all the things that he wanted to do as a kid, and how he tried to follow a dream. He never expected to fall in love with his best friend. And now, he’s there, sitting on the ground with Soonyoung and talking about something he doesn’t understand, trying to stop his heart from jumping off his chest at any moment.

“What?”

“That even if we’re not _that_ famous, even if we have some privacy, we can’t do the things we want to.”

“What kind of things are you talking about?”

Seokmin watches the fog of Soonyoung’s breath escaping his lips.

“Think about Jeonghan and Seungcheol, or Seungkwan and Vernon, right? Think about them for a minute: they are idols, _we are_ , but we still have our lives, our secrets, and when you walk out the door, you have to leave your life there and be another person outside. And it makes me sad.”

“I guess that’s the price of fame.”

“They’re so brave,” Soonyoung sighs and the fog follows his words. “It had to be so scary, you know? Confessing to your best friend when you two are in the same group knowing that falling in love with your best friend can ruin your friendship and the team’s work. And still, they did, even when they knew what could happen if someone became aware of it.”

“Why are you talking about these things right now, Soonyoung?”

Seokmin’s eyes catch some hesitation in Soonyoung’s before answering.

“Because I feel I needed to talk about them with you,” he confesses. And they fall in silence, again.

 _God_ , he’s really tired of that. They didn’t use to have those problems a month ago when Seokmin was still a fool who didn’t understand the signals of his heart. And now, they keep falling in the emptiness of an entire invisible universe that the two of them have created with unspoken words and confused feelings. And still, Seokmin doesn’t try to stop it and he feels his body is falling down and down and Soonyoung doesn’t seem to know the reason why that’s happening. Or at least, that’s what Seokmin wants to believe (because that conversation cannot be just some random thought, right?).

“Seokmin, you’re my best friend,” Soonyoung tells him. And Seokmin nods with his eyes lost in his own hands wrapped around his drink with frozen fingers.

But.

_What does that mean, Soonyoung?_

_Do you want me to make a move? Or do you want to be my best friend and just my best friend for the rest of our lives?_

It seems that sometimes, Soonyoung can’t read Seokmin’s mind.

The weight is heavier and Seokmin can only see more and more ghosts

 

(or unspoken words).

 

 

_“You can see it with the lights out, lights out_

_You are in love, true love_

_You're in love”_

 

 

They’re reaching home and no one has talked since Soonyoung’s last words and it’s making Seokmin nervous till the point he can’t stop biting his bottom lip. In moments like this, he thinks that the best thing he can do is just follow whatever his heart whispers, but then he looks at Soonyoung and he doesn’t feel brave enough. It’s not easy when you don’t really know if your best friend have rejected you a few minutes ago or if he’s trying to tell you something. If Soonyoung was aware of Seokmin’s feelings and loved him back, he would had already done whatever he has to do in a situation like that. Maybe kiss him, or tell him he loves him.

Just _something_ , right?

But still, they’re in silence. In. Fucking. Silence. Again. And Seokmin is too tired of it, too tired of letting things like that over again. He makes a decision: that’s not happening anymore. So when Soonyoung opens the front door, there're words in the tip of Seokmin's tongue. The two of them are now in the hall of the building, lights turned off and a million things that Seokmin wants to tell him before going upstairs. 

“Soonyoung,” Seokmin says while he tries to reach for Soonyoung’s arm before it’s too late, and for the first time in a long time, he feels brave enough to say it. He hears all those impatient words (deep thoughts, things that warm his chest every time he thinks of them. All the things he wanted to say are waiting for him to be left free) finally aloud.

And.

“I love you.”

(There are more words, but just those three are enough).

It feels so good, even if he’s fucking scared right now and he doesn’t want to see Soonyoung’s face in years. He has his hand wrapped around Soonyoung’s wrist, not letting him go, waiting for an answer. But Soonyoung moves his arm and Seokmin feels a cold emptiness in his hand that breaks his heart in small pieces of glass.

Just for a second.

The next one, he feels Soonyoung’s hands touching his face, his hair, his ears. Soonyoung’s thumbs dance desperately through the line of his sharp jaw, and Soonyoung’s lips are over his. Seokmin closes his eyes and let his lips move at Soonyoung’s pace, so soft, so gentle and at the same time, so intense. Seokmin places his hands in Soonyoung’s neck and let his fingers play with the hair of his nape while his lips move on Soonyoung's. And Soonyoung’s hands can’t let Seokmin go anymore. They feel as warm as the stars, the same way the sun gently touches the sea in summer. They don’t need to talk about it, when both of them know what that kiss means. All the words never said are now between their mouths, reaching for more and more, collapsing on their lips and gasps.

 

"I,"

(I've been in love with you for years now, I've loved you since the first time you've touched my cheeks when we were just two kids and the world was so big)

 

"love-"

(Love me back, please, don't break my heart)

 

"I love you too, Seokmin."

 

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language, so please be good!
> 
> Hope you liked it :)


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